Lifespan

It wasn’t a pretty birth. Mother struggled to stay alive, Father was absent for the entire “miracle”, and I didn’t ask to be born. By the time I was five, I realized I was by myself. Mother worked, Father was still absent, and my only source of comfort was my one stuff bear that I declared to be my best friend. One day, Mother came home with new people, a small person and a big person like her, he told me to call him Father but he wasn’t my Father. For the next ten years I raised that small person, who bore the title as my sibling, making my world expand to just the two of us and my stuffed bear. When CPS arrived, frankly I couldn’t tell you why, all I know is that I left my sibling with my bear. After that each year became a blur. Those years I spent forced into new homes with strangers. Each place revealed new body parts and a slight sense of ownership. Every night and new enjoyments where created every week. My body began to barely functioning, and later, I had to learn the meaning of sobriety. At twenty-two, I learned my sibling was given away to strangers as well, I learned he was living a happier life, so I relapsed without knowing if he still had my bear. At twenty-five years old, I managed to get my own place, a job, and my first living friend. A fish named Jean. Twenty-six, Jean died, but I met a person who said they ‘loved’ me. A newfound will to exist emerged within my chest. Thirty, my sibling contacted me, showed up at my doorstep with two kids, my niece and my nephew. The person who said they ‘loved’ me stood next to me welcoming them in. My sibling told me about his life, how our mother passed away, O.D, and how he is glad I lived. I cried a little. My nephew came up to me and showed me his bear, whom he called best friend. Our best friend. Fifty-five years old, my lover passed away, stage four pancreatic cancer, we caught it too late. The grief in my heart caused a relapse of pain I hadn’t felt in years. Seventy years old, I passed away from fifteen years of heartache, but I at least learned to live for something.